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Written and Directed
by
John Hughes
CUT TO:
25. INT. STAIRS - DAY
We see Vernon go down the stairs.
CUT TO:
26. INT. LIBRARY - DAY
Brian, Bender and Claire are sitting in a circle and
laughing hysterically.
Bender lights Claire up and she coughs the smoke out.
Brian laughs at her. He exhales and tries to eat the
smoke. He talks in a really weird voice.
BRIAN
Chicks, cannot hold der smoke! That's
what it is!
CLAIRE
Do you know how popular I am? I'm
so popular, everybody loves me so
much, at this school...
BENDER
Poor baby.
Brian waves Claire over to him and he falls over.
We see Andrew emerge from a really smoky room. He
inhales another puff and then starts dancing to
everybody's applause.
He goes back in the room he was in. He screams and it
shatters the glass in the door.
CUT TO:
27. INT. BASEMENT - DAY
Vernon is glancing through the confidential files in
the
school basement.
VERNON
(to himself)
Mister, oh mister Tierney...a
history of slight mental illness?
Woah, no wonder he's so fucked up!
Carl enters.
CARL
Afternoon, Dick...
VERNON
Hey Carl, how you doin'?
CARL
Good...
VERNON
Good, what's up?
CARL
Not much, what's happening, what
are you doing in the basement files?
VERNON
Oh, nothin' nothin' here. I'm just
doin' a little homework here...
CARL
Homework, huh?
VERNON
Yeah...
Carl, laughing, comes over and looks at the files that
Vernon was looking at.
CARL
Confidential files...hmmm?
VERNON
Look, Carl...this is a highly
sensitive area and I, I tell you
something...certain people would be
very very embarrassed. I would really
appreciate it if if if if this would
be something that, that you and I
could keep between us...
CARL
What're you gonna do for me, man?
VERNON
Well, well what would you like?
CARL
Got fifty bucks?
VERNON
What?
CARL
Fifty bucks...
CUT TO:
28. INT. LIBRARY - DAY
We see Andrew and Brian laughing. Allison is hanging
out over by the statue in the back of the library.
ANDREW
No no man, no; you got a middle
name?
BRIAN
Yeah, guess...
Allison suddenly takes interest in the conversation and
as she speaks, she moves over and sits next to the two.
ALLISON
Your middle name is Ralph, as in
puke...
Brian and Andrew look at her in confusion.
ALLISON
...your birthday is March 12th,
you're five-nine and a half you
weigh a hundred and thirty pounds
and your social security number is
0-4-9-3-8-0-9-1
(a beat)
3.
Andrew is impressed.
ANDREW
Wow! Are you psychic?
ALLISON
No...
BRIAN
Well would you mind telling me how
you know all this about me?
Allison reaches in her bag.
ALLISON
I stole your wallet...
She produces it in her hands and grins.
BRIAN
Give it to me...
ALLISON
No...
BRIAN
Give it!
Allison reluctantly hands over the wallet and Brian
glances through it to make sure nothing is missing.
BRIAN
This is great...you're a thief too!
Huh?
ALLISON
I'm not a thief!
BRIAN
Multi-talented!
ALLISON
What's there to steal? Two bucks
and a beaver shot!
ANDREW
A what?
ALLISON
He's got a nudie picture in there!
I saw it, it's perverted!
ANDREW
All right, let's see it!
We see Bender, he is brushing his teeth with one of
Claire's cosmetic brushes.
We see Claire looking through Bender's wallet pictures.
CLAIRE
Are all these your girlfriends?
BENDER
Some of them...
CLAIRE
What about the others?
BENDER
Well, some I consider my girlfriends
and some...I just consider...
CLAIRE
Consider what?
BENDER
Whether or not, I wanna hang out
with them...
CLAIRE
You don't believe in just one guy,
one girl?
BENDER
Do you?
CLAIRE
Yeah...that's the way it should be.
BENDER
Well, not for me...
CLAIRE
Why not?
Bender clearly doesn't want to answer that. He acts
defensive.
BENDER
How come you got so much shit in
your purse?
CLAIRE
How come you got so many
girlfriends?
BENDER
I asked you first...
CLAIRE
(shrugs)
I dunno...I guess I never throw
anything away.
BENDER
Neither do I...
CLAIRE
Oh...
We cut back to where Andrew, Brian and Allison are
sitting, Andrew is looking through Brian's wallet.
ANDREW
This is the worst fake ID I've ever
seen...
Brian laughs.
ANDREW
Do you realize you made yourself
sixty eight?
BRIAN
Oh, I know...I know, I goofed it...
ANDREW
What do you need a fake ID for?
BRIAN
(like it's obvious)
So I can vote!
Allison looks up suddenly.
ALLISON
You wanna see what's in my bag?
BRIAN & ANDREW
No!
Allison looks hurt and then resentful. Just to spite
them, she dumps the contents of her bag onto the couch.
Lots of stuff comes out.
ANDREW
Holy shit! What is all that stuff?
BRIAN
Do you always carry this much shit
in your bag?
ALLISON
Yeah...I always carry this much shit
...in my bag...You never know when
you may have to jam...
BRIAN
Are you gonna be like a shopping
bag lady? You know like, sit in
alleyways and like talk to buildings
and wear men's shoes and that kinda
thing?
ALLISON
I'll do what I have to do...
BRIAN
Why do you have to do anything?
ALLISON
(with feeling)
My home life is un...satisfying...
BRIAN
So you're saying you'd subject
yourself to the violent dangers of
the Chicago streets because your
home life is unsatisfying?
ALLISON
I don't have to run away and live
in the street...I can run away and,
go to the ocean, I can go to the
country, I can go to the mountains.
I can go to Israel, Africa,
Afghanistan...
Brian looks at her and then moves over to Andrew.
BRIAN
Andy...you wanna get in on this?
Allison here says, she wants to run
away, because her home life is
unsatisfying...
ANDREW
Well everyone's home lives are un-
satisfying...If it wasn't, people
would live with there parents
forever...
BRIAN
Yeah, yeah I understand. But I
think that hers goes beyond, you
know, what guys like you and me...
consider normal unsatisfying...
ALLISON
Nevermind...forget it, everything's
cool!
Allison starts putting everything back in her purse.
ANDREW
What's the deal?
ALLISON
No! There's no deal, Sporto.
Forget it, leave me alone.
ANDREW
Wait a minute, now you're carrying
all that crap around in your purse.
Either you really wanna run away or
you want people to think you wanna
run away.
ALLISON
Eat shit!
Allison gets up and walks away.
BRIAN
The girl is an island, with herself.
Okay?
Andrew gets up and goes after her.
ANDREW
Hi, you wanna talk?
ALLISON
No!
ANDREW
Why not?
ALLISON
Go away...
ANDREW
Where do you want me to go?
ALLISON
GO away!
Andrew turns away and Allison starts to cry.
ALLISON
You have problems...
ANDREW
Oh, I have problems?
ALLISON
You do everything everybody ever
tells you to do, that is a problem!
ANDREW
Okay, fine...but I didn't dump my
purse out on the couch and invite
people into my problems...Did I?
So what's wrong? What is it? Is
is bad? Real bad? Parents?
Allison is silently crying.
ALLISON
Yeah...
Andrew nods.
ANDREW
What do they do to you?
ALLISON
They ignore me...
ANDREW
Yeah...yeah...
They both are crying silently.
CUT TO:
29. INT. BASEMENT - DAY
Vernon and Carl are sitting talking.
VERNON
What did you want to be when you
were young?
CARL
When I was a kid, I wanted to be
John Lennon...
VERNON
Carl don't be a goof! I'm trying
to make a serious point here...I've
been teaching, for twenty two years,
and each year...these kids get more
and more arrogant.
CARL
Aw bull shit, man. Come on Vern,
the kids haven't changed, you have!
You took a teaching position, 'cause
you thought it'd be fun, right?
Thought you could have summer
vacations off...and then you found
out it was actually work...and that
really bummed you out.
VERNON
These kids turned on me...they think
I'm a big fuckin' joke...
CARL
Come on...listen Vern, if you were
sixteen, what would you think of
you, huh?
VERNON
Hey...Carl, you think I give one
rat's ass what these kids think of
me?
CARL
Yes I do...
VERNON
You think about this...when you get
old, these kids; when I get old,
they're gonna be runnin' the country.
CARL
Yeah?
VERNON
Now this is the thought that wakes
me up in the middle of the night...
That when I get older, these kids
are gonna take care of me...
CARL
I wouldn't count on it!
Vernon ponders that statement for a moment.
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