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Written and directed
by
John Hughes
BLANK SCREEN:
Against Black, TITLE CARD:
"...and these children that you spit on,
as they try to change their worlds are
immune to your consultations. They're
quite aware of what they're going through...
- David Bowie"
The Blank Screen and Title Card SHATTER to reveal...
1. EXT. SHERMER HIGH SCHOOL - DAY
During Brian's monologue, we see various views of things
inside the school including Bender's locker.
BRIAN (VO)
Saturday...March 24, 1984. Shermer
High School, Shermer, Illinois.
60062. Dear Mr. Vernon...We accept
the fact that we had to sacrifice a
whole Saturday in detention for
whatever it was that we did wrong.
What we did WAS wrong. But we think
you're crazy to make us write this
essay telling you who we think we
are, what do you care? You see us
as you want to see us...in the
simplest terms and the most
convenient definitions. You see us
as a brain, an athlete, a basket
case, a princess and a criminal.
Correct? That's the way we saw each
other at seven o'clock this morning.
We were brainwashed.
CUT TO:
2. INT. CLAIRE'S CAR - DAY
We see CLAIRE and her FATHER sitting in their car in the
parking lot.
Claire is the prom queen and is clearly a snob.
CLAIRE
I can't believe you can't get me
out of this. I mean it's so absurd
I have to be here on a Saturday!
It's not like I'm a defective or
anything.
CLAIRE'S FATHER
I'll make it up to you. Honey,
ditching class to go shopping
doesn't make you a defective. Have
a good day.
Claire rolls her eyes and gets out of the car and walks
up the school front steps
CUT TO:
3. INT. BRIAN'S CAR - DAY
We are in BRIAN'S car. His MOTHER is there and so is
his little SISTER. He is sort of a nerd.
BRIAN'S MOTHER
Is this the first time or the last
time we do this?
BRIAN
(upset)
Last...
BRIAN'S MOTHER
Well get in there and use the time
to your advantage...
BRIAN
Mom, we're not supposed to study; we
just have to sit there and do
nothing.
BRIAN'S MOTHER
Well mister you figure out a way to
study.
BRIAN'S LITTLE SISTER
(annoyingly)
Yeah!
BRIAN'S MOTHER
Well go!
Brian gets out of the car and walks towards the school.
CUT TO:
4. INT. ANDREW'S CAR - DAY
We see ANDREW and his FATHER. Andrew is clearly a jock;
he's wearing a letterman's jacket with lots of patches
on it.
ANDREW'S FATHER
Hey, I screwed around...guys screw
around, there's nothing wrong with
that. Except you got caught, Sport.
ANDREW
Yeah, Mom already reamed me, all right?
ANDREW'S FATHER
(angry)
You wanna miss a match? You wanna
blow your ride? Now no school's
gonna give a scholarship to a
discipline case.
Andrew gets out of the car and walks into the school.
CUT TO:
5. EXT. SHERMER PARKING LOT - DAY
We see JOHN BENDER walking towards us. He is wearing
sunglasses. A car is coming towards him but he doesn't
stop walking.
The car slams on its breaks directly in front of him.
Bender gets out of the frame. Out of the car steps
ALLISON. She is dressed all in black. She steps
forward to look in the car's front window and the car
drives away.
CUT TO:
6. INT. LIBRARY - DAY
There are six tables in two rows of three.
Claire is sitting at the front table. Brian comes in
and sits at the table behind her.
Andrew comes in and points at the chair next to Claire
at the front table. She shrugs and he sits there.
In walks Bender, he touches everything on the checkout
desk and takes a few things in the process.
He walks over to where Brian is sitting and points to
the table on the opposite side of the Library. Brian
reluctantly gets up and moves.
Bender sits at the table where Brian was and puts his
feet up.
Allison walks in. She walks all the way around the
library and sits in the back corner table, just behind
Brian.
Andrew and Claire look at each other and snicker.
Brian looks at her in confusion and then turns away.
Enter RICHARD VERNON, a teacher. He holds a stack
of papers in his left hand. He addresses the group with
such disrespect it makes you wonder how he ever got the
job.
VERNON
Well...well. Here we are! I want
to congratulate you for being on
time...
Claire raises her hand.
CLAIRE
Excuse me, sir? I think there's
been a mistake. I know it's
detention, but...um...I don't think
I belong in here...
Vernon doesn't care. He just continues to talk.
VERNON
It is now seven-oh-six. You have
exactly eight hours and fifty-four
minutes to think about why you're
here. To ponder the error of your
ways...
Bender spits into the air and catches the spit in his
mouth again.
Claire looks like she is going to gag.
VERNON
...and you may not talk. You will
not move from these seats.
He glances up at Bender and points at him.
VERNON
...and you...
Vernon pulls the chair out from under Bender's feet.
VERNON
...will not sleep. All right people,
we're gonna try something a little
different today. We are going to
write an essay--of no less than a
thousand words--describing to me
who you think you are.
BENDER
Is this a test?
Vernon passes out paper and pencils and takes no notice
of Bender.
VERNON
And when I say essay...I mean essay.
I do not mean a single word repeated
a thousand times. Is that clear Mr.
Bender?
Bender looks up.
BENDER
Crystal...
VERNON
Good. Maybe you'll learn a little
something about yourself. Maybe
you'll even--decide whether or not
you care to return.
Brian raises his hand and then stands.
BRIAN
You know, I can answer that right
now sir...That'd be "No", no for me.
'cause...
VERNON
Sit down Johnson...
BRIAN
Thank you sir...
He sits.
VERNON
My office...
Vernon points.
VERNON
...is right across that hall. Any
monkey business is ill-advised...
He looks around at them.
VERNON
...any questions?
BENDER
Yeah...I got a question.
Vernon looks at him suspiciously.
BENDER
Does Barry Manilow know you raid his
wardrobe?
VERNON
I'll give you the answer to that
question, Mr. Bender, next Saturday.
Don't mess with the bull young man,
you'll get the horns.
Vernon leaves.
BENDER
That man...is a brownie hound...
Everyone tries to get comfortable and we hear a loud
snapping sound. Brian turns and looks and it is
Allison, biting her nails.
Bender's eyes widen as he turns to look. Everyone is
looking now. Allison notices them looking at her.
BENDER
You keep eating your hand and you're
not gonna be hungry for lunch...
Allison spits part of her nail at Bender.
BENDER
I've seen you before, you know...
We see Vernon look out from his office.
We see Brian playing with his pen.
BRIAN
(quietly to himself)
Who do I think I am? Who are you?
Who are you?
He attaches the pen to his bottom lip and puts the top
under his upper lip.
BRIAN
I am a walrus...
Bender looks at him in utter confusion. Brian notices
this, laughs and takes the pen out of his mouth--
embarrassed.
Bender and Brian begin to take their jackets off at the
same time. They both notice this. Brian stops removing
his jacket.
Bender takes his all the way off. Brian rubs his hands
together and pretends to be cold. He pulls his jacket
back on. He turns and looks at Bender who is still
staring at him.
BRIAN
It's the shits, huh?
Bender glares at him and Brian utters an uncomfortable
laugh.
Bender turns away and crumples up his essay paper. He
throws it at Claire. It misses and goes over Claire's
head.
Andrew and Claire acknowledge it but continue to ignore
Bender.
Bender starts loudly "singing" the musical part of a
song. "Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah...nah, nah, nah..."
CLAIRE
(to herself)
I can't believe this is really
happening to me...
Bender stops "singing" abruptly.
BENDER
Oh, shit! What're we s'posed to do
if we hafta take a piss?
CLAIRE
(disgusted)
Please...
BENDER
If you gotta go...
We hear Bender unzip his fly.
BENDER
You gotta go!
Everyone is now looking at Bender.
CLAIRE
(disgusted)
Oh my God!
ANDREW
Hey, you're not urinating in here man!
BENDER
Don't talk! Don't talk! It makes
it crawl back up!
ANDREW
You whip it out and you're dead
before the first drop hits the
floor!
Bender gasps mockingly.
BENDER
You're pretty sexy when you get
angry...grrr!
He turns to Brian.
BENDER
Hey, homeboy...
Brian points at himself with his pen.
BENDER
...why don't you go close that door.
We'll get the prom queen--
impregnated!
Claire turns and glares at him.
ANDREW
Hey!
Bender ignores him.
ANDREW
Hey!
BENDER
What?
ANDREW
If I lose my temper, you're totaled
man!
BENDER
Totally?
ANDREW
Totally!
CLAIRE
(to Bender)
Why don't you just shut up! Nobody
here is interested!
ANDREW
Really!
(to Claire about Bender)
Butt face!
BENDER
Well hey Sporto! What'd you do to
get in here? Forget to wash your
jock?
BRIAN
(nervous)
Uh, excuse me, fellas? I think we
should just write our papers...
ANDREW
(to Bender)
Look, just because you live in here
doesn't give you the right to be a
pain in the ass...so knock it off!
Bender mockingly registers pain in his face.
BENDER
It's a free country...
CLAIRE
(to Andrew)
He's just doing it to get a rise out
of you! Just ignore him...
BENDER
(to Claire)
Sweets...you couldn't ignore me if
you tried!
Claire rolls her eyes.
BENDER
So...so!
(to Andrew and Claire)
Are you guys like boyfriend/girl-
friend?
(a beat)
Steady dates?
(another beat)
Lo--vers?
(another beat)
Come on Sporto, level with me. Do
you slip her the hot...beef...
injection?
Claire and Andrew turn to face Bender, both furious.
CLAIRE
(screams)
Go to hell!
ANDREW
(screams)
Enough!
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