|
|
Written and directed
by
John Hughes
CUT TO:
7. INT. VERNON'S OFFICE - DAY
We see Vernon in his office.
VERNON
(yells)
Hey! What's going on in there?
(to himself)
Smug little pricks!
CUT TO:
8. INT. LIBRARY - DAY
They all look at each other. Andrew turns away from
Bender.
ANDREW
(to himself)
Scumbag!
Bender stands up and walks over to the railing. He sits
on it.
BENDER
What do you say we close that door.
We can't have any kind of party
with Vernon checking us out every
few seconds.
BRIAN
Well, you know the door's s'posed to
stay open...
BENDER
So what?
ANDREW
So why don't you just shut up!
There's four other people in here
you know...
BENDER
God, you can count. See! I knew
you had to be smart to be a...a
wrestler.
ANDREW
Who the hell are you to judge
anybody anyway?
CLAIRE
Really...
ANDREW
You know, Bender...you don't even
count. I mean if you disappeared
forever it wouldn't make any
difference. You may as well not
even exist at this school.
Bender probably is upset at this and he pauses a moment
before speaking. He doesn't let his emotions out,
however.
BENDER
Well...I'll just run right out and
join the wrestling team.
Andrew and Claire look at each other and laugh at
Bender.
BENDER
(to Claire)
Maybe the prep club too! Student
council...
ANDREW
No, they wouldn't take you.
BENDER
I'm hurt.
CLAIRE
You know why guys like you knock
everything...
BENDER
(to himself)
Oh, this should be stunning...
CLAIRE
It's 'cause you're afraid.
BENDER
(with mock enthusiasm)
Oh, God! You richies are so smart,
that's exactly why I'm not heavy in
activities!
CLAIRE
You're a big coward!
Brian feels left out.
BRIAN
(to no one in particular)
I'm in the math club...
CLAIRE
See you're afraid that they won't
take you. You don't belong so you
just have to dump all over it...
BENDER
Well...it wouldn't have anything to
do with you activities people being
assholes...now would it?
CLAIRE
Well you wouldn't know...You don't
even know any of us.
BENDER
Well, I don't know any lepers
either, but I'm not gonna run out
and join one of their fucking clubs.
ANDREW
Hey let's watch the mouth, huh?
Brian again feels he needs to contribute.
BRIAN
I'm in the physics club too...
BENDER
(to Claire)
S'cuse me a sec...
(to Brian)
What are you babbling about?
BRIAN
Well, what I said was...I'm in the
math club, the Latin club and the
physics club...physics club.
Bender nods and turns to Claire.
BENDER
Hey...Cherry...do you belong to the
physics club?
CLAIRE
That's an academic club...
BENDER
So?
CLAIRE
So...academic clubs aren't the same
as other kinds of clubs.
BENDER
Oh, but to dorks like him...
Bender points at Brian.
BENDER
...they are.
(to Brian)
What do you guys do in your club?
BRIAN
In physics, um, we ah, we talk about
physics...about properties of physics.
BENDER
So it's sorta social...demented and
sad, but social. Right?
BRIAN
Yeah, well, I guess you could
consider it a social situation. I
mean there are other children in my
club and uh, at the end of the year
we have, um, you know, a big
banquet, at the, uh, at the Hilton.
BENDER
You load up, you party...
BRIAN
Well, no, we get dressed up...I
mean, but, we don't...we don't get
high.
CLAIRE
(to Bender)
Only burners like you get high...
BRIAN
And, uh, I didn't have any shoes.
So I had to borrow my dad's. It
was kinda weird 'cause my mom doesn't
like me to wear other people's
shoes. And, uh, my cousin Kent...my
cousin Kendall from, uh, Indiana...
He got high once and you know, he
started eating like really weird
foods. And uh, and then he just
felt like he didn't belong anywhere.
You know, kinda like, you know
"Twilight Zone" kinda.
CLAIRE
(laughs)
(to Bender)
Sounds like you...
ANDREW
Look, you guys keep up your talking
and Vernon's gonna come right in
here...I got a meet this Saturday
and I'm not gonna miss it on account
of you boneheads...
BENDER
(to Andrew)
Oh and wouldn't that be a bite...
Bender lets out a moan of fake agony.
BENDER
Missing a whole wrestling meet!
ANDREW
Well you wouldn't know anything
about it, faggot! You never competed
in your whole life!
BENDER
(with mock hurt)
Oh, I know...I feel all empty inside
because of it. I have such a deep
admiration for guys that roll around
on the floor with other guys!
ANDREW
Ahhh...you'd never miss it. You
don't have any goals.
BENDER
Oh, but I do!
ANDREW
Yeah?
BENDER
I wanna be just--like--you! I
figure all I need's a lobotomy and
some tights!
Brian becomes interested.
BRIAN
You wear tights?
ANDREW
(to Brian)
No I don't wear tights, I wear the
required uniform...
BRIAN
Tights...
ANDREW
(defensive)
Shut up!
They hear Vernon moving around out in the hall so Bender
quickly comes and sits in the chair between Claire and
Andrew. He folds his hands on the table.
Vernon goes back into his office. Bender laughs and
gets up. He starts walking towards the double doors
that separate the library from the hallway.
BRIAN
You know there's not s'posed to be
any monkey business!
Bender turns and points at Brian.
BENDER
(in a stern voice)
Young man...have you finished your
paper?
Bender turns back away and goes to the door. He looks
around cautiously and removes a screw from the door.
CLAIRE
What are you gonna do?
ANDREW
Drop dead, I hope!
CUT TO:
9. INT. HALLWAY - DAY
We see Vernon getting a drink at the fountain. He stands
up and checks the way he looks in a mirror. He does a
muscular pose and utters some manly gibberish...
"Cobadonga!"
CUT TO:
10. INT. LIBRARY - DAY
Brian looks up. Bender is messing with the door to the library.
BRIAN
Bender, that's, that's school
property there...you know, it doesn't
belong to us. It's something not to
be toyed with.
The door slams shut. Bender runs back to his seat.
ANDREW
That's very funny, come on, fix it!
BRIAN
You should really fix that!
BENDER
Am I a genius?
ANDREW
No, you're an asshole!
BENDER
What a funny guy!
ANDREW
Fix the door Bender!
BENDER
Everyone just shhh!
CUT TO:
11. INT. HALLWAY - DAY
We see Vernon walking back to his office. He stops and
listens to them through the closed door.
BENDER (OS)
I've been here before, I know what
I'm doing!
ANDREW (OS)
No! Fix the door, get up there and
fix it!
BENDER (OS)
(screams)
Shut up!
CUT TO:
12. INT. LIBRARY - DAY
We see Brian as we hear Vernon in the hall.
VERNON (OS)
God damnit!
He opens the door and storms in.
VERNON
Why is that door closed?
For a few seconds no one says anything, they just stare
at Vernon.
VERNON
Why is that door closed?
BENDER
How're we s'posed to know? We're
not s'posed to move, right?
Vernon turns to Claire.
VERNON
Why?
CLAIRE
We were just sitting here, like we
were s'posed to...
Vernon looks around and looks at Bender.
VERNON
Who closed that door?
BENDER
I think a screw fell out of it...
ANDREW
It just closed, sir...
Vernon looks at Allison in the back.
VERNON
Who?
Allison lets out a squeak and slams her face onto the
table, hiding in her jacket hood.
BENDER
She doesn't talk, sir...
VERNON
(to Bender)
Give me that screw...
BENDER
I don't have it...
VERNON
You want me to yank you outta that
seat and shake it out of you?
BENDER
I don't have it...screws fall out
all of the time, the world's an
imperfect place...
VERNON
Give it to me, Bender...
CLAIRE
Excuse me, sir, why would anybody
want to steal a screw?
VERNON
(to Claire)
Watch it, young lady...
Vernon goes over to the door. He tries to hold it open
by putting a folding chair in front of it.
BENDER
The door's way too heavy, sir.
The door slams shut despite the chair.
VERNON (OS)
God damnit!
They laugh.
Vernon opens the door again. He comes back in.
VERNON
(pointing)
Andrew Clark...get up here. Come on,
front and center, let's go.
Andrew gets up and walks over to Vernon.
BENDER
Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up?
If he gets up, we'll all get up,
it'll be anarchy!
Vernon and Andrew are now attempting to move the steel
magazine rack in front of the door.
VERNON
Okay, now, watch the magazines!
BENDER
It's out of my hands...
They get it into the doorway and it blocks the entire
door.
BENDER
That's very clever sir, but what if
there's a fire? I think violating
fire codes and endangering the
lives of children would be unwise
at this juncture in your career, sir.
Vernon thinks about it. He turns to Andrew.
VERNON
All right, what are you doing with
this? Get this outta here for God's
sake! What's the matter with you?
Come on!
BRIAN
You know the school comes equipped
with fire exits at either end of the
library.
Brian points at them and Bender glares at him.
BENDER
(to Brian)
Show Dick some respect!
Andrew and Vernon come back into the main section of the
library.
VERNON
(to Andrew)
Let's go...go! Get back into your
seat.
Andrew sits.
VERNON
(to Andrew)
I expected a little more from a
varsity letterman!
(to Bender)
You're not fooling anybody, Bender!
The next screw that falls out is
gonna be you!
Vernon turns to leave.
BENDER
(under his breath)
Eat my shorts...
Vernon spins in his tracks and faces Bender again.
VERNON
What was that?
BENDER
(loudly)
Eat my shorts!
VERNON
You just bought yourself another
Saturday, mister!
BENDER
Oh, Christ...
VERNON
You just bought one more right
there!
BENDER
Well, I'm free the Saturday after
that...beyond that, I'm gonna have
to check my calendar!
VERNON
Good! 'Cause it's gonna be filled,
we'll keep goin'! You want another
one? Say the word, just say the
word! Instead of going to prison,
you'll come here! Are you through.
BENDER
No!
VERNON
I'm doing society a favor!
BENDER
So?
VERNON
That's another one, right now! I've
got you for the rest of your natural
born life if you don't watch your
step! You want another one?
BENDER
Yes!
VERNON
You got it! You got another one,
right there! That's another one
pal!
CLAIRE
(worried)
Cut it out!
Claire mouths the word "Stop" to Bender.
VERNON
You through?
BENDER
Not even close, bud!
VERNON
Good! You got one more, right
there!
BENDER
Do you really think I give a shit?
VERNON
Another...
Bender glares at him.
VERNON
You through?
BENDER
How many is that?
BRIAN
That's seven including the one when
we first came in and you asked Mr.
Vernon here whether Barry Manilow
knew that he raided his closet.
VERNON
(to Bender)
Now it's eight...
(to Brian)
You stay out of it!
BRIAN
Excuse me, sir, it's seven!
VERNON
Shut up, Peewee!
(to Bender)
You're mine Bender...for two months
I gotcha! I gotcha!
BENDER
What can I say? I'm thrilled!
VERNON
Oh, I'm sure that's exactly what you
want these people to believe. You
know something, Bender? You ought
to spend a little more time trying
to do something with yourself and a
little less time trying to impress
people. You might be better off.
(to everyone)
All right, that's it! I'm going to
be right outside those doors. The
next time I hafta come in here...I'm
cracking skulls! (Bender mouths "I'm cracking skulls")
Vernon leaves and closes the door. A musical riff
builds to a climax as Bender screams.
BENDER
(screams)
Fuck you!
We see the clock, it reads a quarter to eight.
We see Bender, lighting his shoe on fire and lighting a
cigarette with his shoe.
We see Claire thinking.
We see Brian playing with his balls.
We see Andrew playing with his sweatshirt.
We see Allison pulling a string around her finger and making
it turn purple.
We see Bender put the flames on his shoe out. He then plays
air guitar.
We see Allison drawing.
We see Andrew playing paper football. He cheers
silently.
Allison shakes dandruff from her hair onto her picture.
We see everyone fall asleep.
|
